Back to the title, my last post was like 2 months ago so a lot happend. In my last post i sounded really happy. WEL NOW I AM REALLLY DEPRESSED. Sad, mad and really unsecure. All in one. IM REALLY SICK OF THIS MOOD CHANING
Ooh i will tell you what happend to me:
I dont know what happend to me. Just a wave of depression. I think that i was (in the first two weeks of school) so conviced that Olaf liked me. So it was a knife in my heart when i heard that he was back to his ex (Qwen). Yes, HAD. Ofcourse i was a happy butterfly when we was ''single'' AGAIN, but i kinda think that i'm not good enough for him. Just uncertainty. I'm a little unsecure flower :(. His ex, my fist impression was ofcaurse ''bitch'' because you know i had a crush on him and she is so pretty. (She looked bitchy at my!!!!) I know i must dont judge her because i dont know her ( my friend Emé does know her and she says that she is NICE ,like wtf..) and exactly i wanna meet Qwen. Now ( weeks later) She haves a ''nice'' (and pretty) reputation. So i wanna meer her. That right, you read it good.
BUT there is also something else why im feeling down.
I was sick for one day, and as soon as i get back my friends (Royie and Cindy) are like
''ooh yo,, you are back'' and than they contunied playing on there phone. I, standing there like wtf, hello i was sick for a week or two and not even ''HEEYYY, How are youu?? everything alright, wanna hug??''
(we hug a lot, well we justed to hug a lot) But nooooo. And by the lockers they were talking to each other and saying ''To be honest, it was fun yesteday with Olaf and diyar'' (Diyar is the best friend of Olaf , and kinda a friend my and my ''friends'') I said nothing, but i thought in my head ''What the hell are you saying??!Im sick for a week and now you are saying you had a good time with him?! IDK , you got to understand why i was really mad that day.
I'm ofcourse a headless cow who has no tongue. Because if Diyar says something to me i really dont know what to say back. Im just now used to talk to guys ALRIGHT.
And i had also my first fight with Royie. Because i was mad i did't say a lot annyymore, so i left myself out. I had then lunch with Emé, at least if i could find her. If not, I eated in the fucking toilley. Beacuse i dont wanna be seen as a loner, but i was a loner. I was talking about that stupid leaves-essay Cindy and Royie didn't agree with something. For some reason it ended with a screamparty.( my and Royie) She ended (SCREAMING)it with:
''You are the one who's acting strange the whole week''
That came really hard to me, that was really the limit for my.
I walked away, so mad was i. She said is so mean. It was hurtfull. If she knew that i was acting strange why didn't she came to me and ask what it was?
Afther one day we were talking to each other like noting happend.
I have forgivven but not forgetten....
Maybe its was my own fault but I am a really closed person. I dont like to talk about meself or what im feeling. I really dont like it. And mabye because i losted my trust for people in primary-school ( 7th grade). And it never got it back.......
I just DONT wanna thinnk about stupid boys alright. I'm so sick of it.
So i forced meself to concentrate on school. (Well i got a one (F) for french but a nine (B) for English) I want to forget Olaf, no matter what im feeling, just push it away.
Here in the Netherlands (Holland) we dont celebrate Halloween so big.
To bad because i like it.
But what we do celebrate is Sinterklaas. ( you just speak it out like SantaR ClaAs)
It is a traditional Dutch Feast. Short explain:
A man named Sint Nicolaas comes one's a year with his steamboat.
He comes with his white horse (Amerigo) and with his black piets
(dutch : zwarte pieten , i will explain later more about it)
It is intended that if Sinterklaas is the Netherlands that the children go put their shoes
by that I mean, for example a root in their shoe for the horse or a poem. The next day they will have a gift in their shoe.ONLY IF YOU WERE NICE AND NOT BAD. Of course, Sinterklaas doesn't excited but its fun for the children. Three years ago I believed it. On five December it is Sinterklaas his birthday. Then it is packets evening. No more shoe but then in the evening a bag full of gifts. That evening ''goes back'' to Spain. I found Sinterklaas aa really a fun party.
I still celebrate it but only packets evening. With my sisters. Still having fun.
About the black piets. It sound racist but believe me we dont mean it like that!!.
If you see this for the first time you will probely think that is racist. But is not alright! It is just a tradition. And every STUPiD year there a people HERE demonstreting because of black piets. I think it is just a cute and fun children's Holiday. And it must stay like it is. People are trying to change the colour of the piets. Well you can look up: Gekleurde piet = Colored piets. It really look ridiclious!!! Piont out. NOT RACIST.
It sound kinda like Christmas.
I love it. On school we'll have a Christmas disco.
I'm really so looking forward, just can't wait. I am already in the christmas mood.
For the disco i already have a cute dress. I will post tommorow:
-Fashion post ( Christmas party dress+Shoes)
-Fave Songs Post ( Christmas favrites and more)
and as last a hair post. It is extra beause i didn't post for a while.
This was my BIG come back.
I hope i'll see you soon, byee
Let it go , Let it be C'est la vie
Loves Catty <33